


This isn't Love, it's Pain

by MandatoryTomato



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Whump, Connor Deserves Happiness, Gavin Reed Whump, Gavin you slimy rascal, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Revolution, Sorry Not Sorry, Swearing, The OC is there to make things spicy, technically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24051577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandatoryTomato/pseuds/MandatoryTomato
Summary: Connor never understood emotions completely. Gavin had helped him work through them but this ugly emotion rearing its head he had not been taught. It was hot and searing. He wanted it to just leave him alone.Why did it hurt so much?Alternative Title: Gavin did an oopsie
Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first fanfic for this fandom so please keep that in mind cause I'm not really used to writing these characters. I hope I got them close enough to what they are meant to be. 
> 
> As the notes say this isn't beta read, heck, it isn't even proofread so if you see any spelling mistakes or anything feel free to let me know. :)
> 
> Comments and kudos are very much appreciated!

Connor loved Gavin. He would always love Gavin however, things weren’t the same as they once were. Connor just wanted the old days back. The days where they would just lie sprawled out in bed under the soft duvet together. Content to just be near each other. 

His mind flickered over memories. Gavin’s rare smile when Connor kissed him for the first time under the cloudy winter sky. The snow that dusted Gavin’s hair made him look divine. How did this untameable man become his? 

_ In the end, he was never Connors to keep. _

The room was pitch black, it was night but Connor did not need light. There was no scarred face for him to admire so what was the point? All there was to shed light on was the Gavin shaped space beside him anyway. His head hung low and his hands gripped the crumpled bedsheets. He had so many amazing memories of Gavin that made his thirium pump flutter, so many adventures they had shared. Were they not enough for the human?

He stared at his hands, was he not good enough for Gav anymore? Did he say something wrong? Deep down Connor knew this had been coming for a while now. They began to distance a few months back and the heated arguments came far before that. Angry words that were thrown about carelessly, they said things they didn’t mean and it always ended with tears and the front door being slammed shut. Connor didn’t know how to fix it, he loved Gavin but now there was a void that his love just wasn’t enough to fill. 

Every time Connor had touched the subject of the growing gap between them in conversation Gavin snapped at him. Ordering him to just leave it alone. When Gavin did that Connor bit back the urge to argue with him. He wasn’t a slave that could be ordered around anymore but he let it be. Gavin would talk when he was ready but four hours ago something changed. He was growing desperate for answers. There was nothing Connor desired more in this world than a pleasant life, but so far nothing felt particularly ‘pleasant’. Gavin had come home late. Again. Connor had watched with his arms crossed as Gavin trudged into the room, flinging his leather jacket over the back of the sofa. 

They fought. 

_ “Why won’t you just tell me, Gav? Is it me? Is it my fault? I can fix it, Gav, please-” _

Then… Gavin said it.

_ “Stop… just stop Con, fuck, I- I love you but I messed up, ok? I just… I kissed another guy and we… Whatever, yeah, I know I shouldn’t have but I did.”  _

Connor never understood emotions completely. Gavin had helped him work through them but this ugly emotion rearing its head he had not been taught. It was hot and searing. He wanted it to just leave him alone. Why did it hurt so much?

The rest of their argument had been a blur. All Connor could remember was screaming at Gavin to get out, whether he meant out of his life or out of their apartment he didn’t know. Having a complete break down was new to Connor but he supposed it was well deserved.

Hours after the argument his tears had run dry but ugly sobs still escaped his throat as he thought about Gavin being with someone else. He was naive to think that his boyfriend was his and his alone. He had trusted Gavin, given him a chance after everything he had done yet he still did this. He wanted more and that was something Connor felt he couldn’t give any longer. He gave his everything into their relationship and it had worked… for a few years. 

The deviant lay down and stared at the ceiling breath hitching every now and again.

This wasn’t love anymore. 

This was pain. 

***

Gavin had fucked up. He knew this but he never intended to tell Connor. He didn’t want everything to be over but it had been for a while, even if they both didn’t know it yet. After three years of love they had put into each other Gavin had let it go to waste it in half an hour. 

Typical, Gavin had a knack for ruining every good thing that came into his life but he just couldn’t help it. Gavin was drunk when the kiss (and other things) happened and had instant regrets afterwards. He should have never gone to that pub.

Now he found himself back at that said pub trying his hardest to forget Connor screaming at him to get out. 

Gavin had known how much Connor detested deception but he’d done it anyway. He’d kept his fuck ups to himself and look where that got him. He should’ve just told Connor what had gone down instead of backing away. The pain on Connor's face, once he had found out, had hurt him more than Gavin cared to admit. Every other relationship he’d had ended explosively and it was always his fault but there was a difference. Gavin actually loved Connor. He wasn’t just a space-filler in Gavin’s life, he was the one that space was made for. The one he wanted to spend however long left of his life with. Was that possible now? Were they still even in a relationship? He wouldn’t blame Connor if he up and left. 

What would happen if he did up and leave though? Tina… Tina would be disappointed, she already had their wedding plans ready for whenever Gavin decided to man up and bend the knee. What if she found out about what he did? Connor was her best friend and even though Gavin was like her brother she still really cared about Con. She’d be ropeable if she just randomly found out from someone other than him although that wasn’t the main concern. No, the main concern was Hank. Hank had promised him that if he ever hurt Connor he’d wake up one day with his ball chopped up and made to eat them for breakfast. 

The detective sighed and glared at his vodka. He bared his teeth and quickly gulped it down. It seared his throat but he’d had enough of the stuff in his lifetime for the pain to not be tear-jerking. He slammed the glass down, every single last drop had been swallowed.

“Heya handsome.” A familiar smooth voice to his right made Gavin tense. 

He sucked in a breath and burped. Slowly turning to face the young man he said, “That was a one night sorta thing, got it? Fuck off, Marley.” Now, Gavin would’ve been fine with that being the end of their brief meeting but unfortunately, things never went his way.

‘Marley’ smirked. “Actually, I think you’ll find it's Martin handsome.”

“Martin what? What does any of this shit have to do with Martin? Is it short for a martini or some shit? Cause I could use some of that.” Gavin said, frowning as he pushed his glass towards the bartender. 

“Martins my name, but I wouldn’t mind if you could use some of me,” Martin said in a low sultry voice. He peered at Gavin from behind his thick, dark lashes. Gavin fumed silently in his seat, he hated being looked at like that. 

He sighed and slowly stood from his barstool and shoved the younger man slightly. “What we did that night was a mistake, I have a boyfriend. Even if I’m a dick to him all the time I still love him. Go find another dipshit to play with tonight.” He jabbed a finger in the other in the chest before shoulder checking him while making his way towards the door.

It's fair to say that the next time Gavin saw Martin he got a Martini dumped over his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina and Gavin do some talking.

It was 4:46 when Gavin had come knocking on her door. Half an hour later Tina found herself being subjected to a rant of pure self pity. Tina listened as Gavin ranted, disappointed in his actions. He told her everything and everything took a lot of time to tell. When he had come to her doorstep he was as drunk as a skunk and wreaked of vodka and rum. There were tearstains that trailed down his cheeks and his hair was a mess. She had quickly ushered her friend in and made a hot chocolate for him and a black coffee for herself. Tina looked at him coldly as he finished his story. Gavin shifted on her plush brown couch, looking downtrodden and guilty. 

Tina sighed. “I’m not going to say you didn’t fuck up Gav because you did. Remember when Xaitac broke up with me? Remember the mess I was in?” She asked, cradling her now cold coffee to her chest. He nodded, refusing to meet her stern gaze. “Well that’s Connor right now but probably worse. You cheated on him… Damn it, Gav… He was one of the only good things in your trainwreck of a life! He loved you, he loved you for you and you just threw it away.” Tina looked down, ashamed of Gavin’s decisions.

“You're supposed to make me feel better Tina and give me advice. Not make me feel even worse.” He groaned, hanging his head. 

Tina glared at him. “You're a cheating bastard, Gavin. What more do you want me to say? ‘Oh Gavin, it’s ok! I’ll tell him that he dreamed it all up! Then you can both ride into the sunset with your dicks hanging out!’ If that’s what you want to hear, you're at the wrong place.” She sniffed and leaned further back into the sofa, her fuzzy socks softly scuffling against the stained carpet. 

Gavin sighed as he set down his finished hot chocolate on the wooden tabletop. 

“Hey! No, you put your mug on the coaster. I don’t want my table as stained as your relationship with Con.”

“Shut up Tina, I can fix our relationship. I just gotta… Do something.” Tina snorted.

“You have to do more than ‘something’ Gavin because I don’t think that will cut it but whatever it may be, you better do it soon.” 

Gavin huffed dramatically and flopped over sideways. “What do you want me to do right now Tina? I’m drunk off my balls and the world is spinning.”

She rolled her eyes at his theatrics and said, “I didn’t say you had to do anything now, I said soon. Not now. I’d be slightly offended if you decided it was a good idea to do it now though.” 

Gavin pointed at her, his face twisted into something creepily happy. “You're not being a sour ass with me anymore!” 

Tina blinked. Of all things, of course, that's what he focused on. Anywho, she wasn’t being a sour ass… was she? “I was not being a sour ass. I just had to tell you that what you did was bad and you must pay the consequences.”

His face scrunched up as he kicked his legs slightly. “Who says must like that anymore? What are you? My grandma?”

“Be quiet Gavin, you're just too uneducated to understand my ways of speaking.” 

She watched Gavin smirk. Even if she was mad at him, she was glad her friend had calmed down from his hysteria. There was no doubt in her mind that Gavin loved Connor and nor was there any doubt that Connor reciprocated those feelings, even after Gavin went and messed everything up. 

She’d seen the way they acted together and she had to admit, their chemistry was perfect. Now, if Gavin hadn’t gone and banged a twink everything would be all fine and dandy but no. Gavin had to go and have fun in a bar restroom.

“Tina.” She looked up at Gavin who was coming to a wobbly stand. He stared at her. “Thank you for being here.” He mumbled, “Dunno where I’d be without you.” 

Tina smiled. “Shut up you dork. I don’t need any ego-boosting.” She watched as Gavin clumsily made his way over to her, looking like even the slightest gust to blow him over. Before she realised what he was doing it was already too late. He had her trapped in a massive bear hug, completely disregarding the coffee clutched in her hand and squeezed her tight as his head burrowed into the crook of her neck. She sighed, glaring at the soon to be coffee stain on the carpet. There was no way Gavin was going to let go so, seeing any other option other than returning her friend's affection, she rubbed soothing circles into his back. “I… I think you should stay here tonight. I don’t want you to be alone, not today.” 

She quickly grabbed Gavin’s midsection and manoeuvred her way out of the hug. “Come on, at least be slightly cooperative.” She said as she started to drag him to the empty guest room. Gods, he was heavy.

“Where’re we going…?”

Tina lugged him across the small room, making it to the spare room's door. “To the bedroom.”

“I know, I’m irresistible. I loves you Mocha.” He slurred from his spot on the floor.

Tina huffed, “Stay as a friend you blundering idiot.” She yanked the door open and wrangled the drunk man onto the soft mattress.

He groaned and slapped his hand onto his flushed face. “Con? Fuck… don’t go...” His begging trailed off as his hand slid from his face onto the blanket.

“Gavin… Gavin, are you awake?” She murmured, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath. 

Silence.

“Love you too Latte.” With that, she left the room, softly closing the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayeee, sorry for the late, crappy update. I didn't even realise how much time had passed since I posted this. Anywho, I really wanna finish this story so that's what I plan to do! Thank you all for the nice comments on the last chapter! I appreciate them all!


End file.
